Wasted moments

[Ten things bout you.]

1. are you lonely?
Dont know.

2. are you happy?
50%.

3. are you sad?
A little.

4. are you Indonesian?
No lol.

5. are you expensive?
Worthless, both ways.

6. are you blonde?
Umm no.

7. are you Irish?
Yes. No duh.

9. are you desperate?
For love: no.
For anything you can think of: no.

10. are you male or female?
Both.
I'm a girl but I'm 'agressive' so whatever.

[Ten things bout your love life.]

1. do you love someone?
Maybe.
Heck I think it's infatuation.

2. do you believe in love at first sight?
Never experienced it.

3. who ended your last relationship?
Me.

4. have you ever hurt anyone?
Mmhhmmmm.

5. have you ever broken someone's heart?
Mmhhmmmm.

6. longest relationship?
3 months? Whatever.

7. have you ever liked someone but never told them?
Yeah, currently.

8. are you afraid of commitment?
Depends.

9. have you hugged someone within the last week?
Yeah, most of the girls in class.
Last day of sch la bdh.

10. have you ever had a "secret" admirer?
If I did/do it's still a secret.

[Ten this or that.]

1. love or lust
Love.

2. accent or no accent
Accent. :D
Not slang, accent.

3. cats or dogs
Ahaha, cats?

4. a few best friends or many regular friends
Few best friends.

5. myspace or friendster
Friendster. (:

6. pepsi or coke
My tastebuds don't care. But coke I guess.

7. wild night out or romantic night in
Don't know heh.

8. money or happiness
Money brings me happiness so both.

9. night or day
Day.

10. IM or msn
Msn! 8)

[Ten have you evers.]

1. been caught sneaking out?
Nah, I don't have to sneak.

2. been skinny-dipping with your bf/gf?
Pfft no.

3. done something you regret?
Mmhhmmmm.

4. bungee jumped?
Nope, but please? Haha.

5. lied to someone you loved?
My mama. ^^
Sorry.

6. Cheated on your loved one?
Course not.

7. Love someone whom he/ she doesnt know about your feelings?
I think it's infatuation, but yes.

8. wanted an ex boyfriend/ girlfriend back?
Yeap kinda. (Sssh)

9. cried because you lost a pet?
Nope.

10. goodbye?
Have a nice tomorrow. (:

Went to Bugis today with Amy, CM & Amy's cousin.

Oh crap, writing that I realised I've done something really really wrong.

I dint ask for her cousin's name! Omgawd, I feel like a bitch. :O

See lah, no wonder people think I'm sombong and stuff, cos I am! I guess.

Lol, enough about me insulting me.

That's the jobs of other people. Moving on.

Met CM @ Junction 8.

Before that I texted her, told her to meet me at Bishan Mrt station.

Texts:

Me: Meet at bishan mrt can?

CM: I dno whr's that. I meet you at whr 58 stop can?

Me: Near J8 thr?

CM: Yeah.

Me: Uhhh, okay.

It was weird, cos 58's bus stop is really near the mrt station, but CM dint know where it was. -.-

Well, until she reached J8 and called me.

She told me: I found the MRT station. Lol.

Me: Was it that hard? (sarcastic voice)

CM: Lol no. I just walk walk then eh? Found it.
Me: Yah okay congratulations. See ya soon.

CM: Kay bye.

Heh. She was orange shorts for that afternoon. And what was I? Alamak forgot.

Anyway, ate with her @ Bugis then met Amy and her cousin (Ariyanita. Just found out ><).

Shopped for my skirt. :D

Can you believe a tank top is that hard to find in Bugis? I mean for me, heh.

There were, but they were 10 bucks so bye.

As in, I dint buy it. Lol.

Bought a skirt that can also be worn as a dress.

For 10.

I'd rather buy a nice skirt for 10 then a plain tank top for 10, okay?

Kay then took a really really really really long time to decide where we were going next. Which in the end was th arcade. CM is a freakishly lucky ass.

She lost her phone and we tried to search for it but nothing.

Then she continued to walk fast and bumped into a young boy who was, yes, holding her phone.

Out of all those many people in the arcade, she bumped into the person who found her phone.

And btw, there were ALOT of people in there.

She was lucky it was a small boy. He dint know anything about stealing I guess.

CM saw it in his hands, grabbed it nicely and said thank you.

The boy just ran away. Lol. Innocence.

Later when I was otw home CM called me. She found out the boy sent all her draft texts, and deleted all her calls. Haha. Lucky he dint do anything worst.

Okay then blablabla..

And then at Serangoon MRT, CM lost her friggin ezlink.

Tsktsk I know.

She ran down to th platform and she found an old man.

Who had her ezlink. I tell you, she's seriously lucky.

Kay lazy explain more. Pictures yeah.

Did I write it all wrong?
Maybe, forget it I'll stop.
I'll explain that entry. One sentence at a time.
And for the record, it was really for you. (:
Sorry cos you misunderstood the entry.

I realised I don't deserve to be hated. I really don't.
This was to say, I just don't understand this situation I'm in.
Really, how did it start in the first place?
And, I don't deserve to be hated like I thought I was, because you dint hate me.

Because I'm a real good friend. I dint know that till you said it.
Dint you say it? Indirectly of course, but I got the message.
You said: 'thanks for being my bestie, and i hope we will always stay close..'
See? You said it. How you hope I would always be your friend.
If you mean it, of course.
Because then I knew there must be a reason you want to always be friends with me.
So I must be a real good friend.

I deserve to be with who I want to be, and who I'm comfortable with.
Definitely that's you.
It is you! Can't you see?
I wanna be with lots of people, and you're one of them. I am comfortable with you, though it looks like I'm more comfortable with __.

It's because, I have this weird mixed feeling about you.
It's like, she's my best friend but I can't talk to her.
My trust issues? No not that.
I don't know why I can't talk to you like I talk to ___ or ___ or ___.
It's difficult for me to open my mouth around you.
But when there are other people besides you around, I do talk to you.
Don't you realise that in me? I'm truly sorry.
But eveytime I do talk about stuff with you, it's fun.
Even tho you don't see it.

But one thing is that I dint see you first. I saw others.
Others that I planned to get close to.
For this current problem. These sentences were meant for this current problem.
I saw other people I could be closer to.
Cos they have the same difficult, crazy, hyped up attitude as me, and they show it.
You have it too, I realise, just I dint see it in you first, I saw it in other people.
Yeah?

Suddenly you came into the picture, thank god. It dint really work out @ th start.
But you changed. For the sake of us, of others, of me, you changed.
That's where I realised you really wanted to be friends with us, others, me.
Thank god you came in, cos it made me a little more controlled.
A little more wise about what I say.
And it dint really work out because I was restless.
You did change, when you did try to fit in you said.
But maybe you dint change for me. Maybe I'm wrong.
You changed because you do want to be friends, don't you?

With you I learned more, talked more, understood the word friendship more.
When I first came to this school, I never thought I could have any new friends.
But then, I found you. The very first person. And really it's all true.

My past experiences I never had someone like you.
I know besides other people, you were special.
Like a sister. Like you said we were.
You changed me, made me a little braver, a little less noisy?(Well only maybe)
You were special, you were my 'sister', you still are, and you did say it.
So, why did you doubt it was you I was talking about?

Nothing comes in between. Not others.
Because that's true. No matter what, even this big thing, we're still friends.
We talk like normal, laugh together like normal, share our lives like normal. Like sisters do.
Nobody can replace you, cos yes, you're special.

I will never get over you if we ever, ever, stop being friends.
I'll suffer every night knowing I can't talk to you the next day, or the next.
I don't deserve it.
I'll suffer, because it's fun talking to you.
Even if you don't think I like talking to you.
It's complicated if you just look at it on the outside.

So, I really hope you get it this time, that it was all meant for you.
Taking it wrongly can cause conflicts.
Already it did, and I really really really want it to end.
I'm tired of it.
I can't sleep the night before school, because I think over and again, why is this happening?
I cried too, it's dumb but I just hate friendship fights.
What's worse, with each other not a word is said about this, then everything comes out later.
I hate that the painful truth is being the shadow of our conversations.
We'll know it will always be there, but nothing happens.
It's like a silent scream, or something.
I love all of you, okay.

This is going to you. Thanks very very much.

I realised I don't deserve to be hated. I really don't.
Because I'm a real good friend. I dint know that till you said it.
I deserve to be with who I want to be, and who I'm comfortable with.
Definitely that's you.
But one thing is that I dint see you first. I saw others.
Others that I planned to get close to.
Suddenly you came into the picture, thank god. It dint really work out @ th start.
But you changed. For the sake of us, of others, of me, you changed.
That's where I realised you really wanted to be friends with us, others, me.

With you I learned more, talked more, understood the word friendship more.
My past experiences I never had someone like you.
I know besides other people, you were special.
Like a sister. Like you said we were.
Nothing comes in between. Not others.
I will never get over you if we ever, ever, stop being friends.
I'll suffer every night knowing I can't talk to you the next day, or the next.
I don't deserve it.
~~We've done almost everything together.~~

Sec 2 sec 2 sec 2 sec 2 sec 2 sec 2 sec 2 sec 2 sec 2 sec 2! :D

Fucking excited.

Sorry for being vulgar. I have anxiety disorder. Heehee.

Eh, dno what to write about. Oh, watched House Bunny today. (:

I know slow, so what. Heh.

Okay um, watched @ AMKhub. Kay I'll let the pics do the damn talking. Or typing. Whatever.

Ate at Nebo and played Headbanz before that. Damn fun lah the game. You have to guess what you were. Pick a card without looking at it, then try guessing by asking questions. :D Okay pictures.

Mabu was actually stressed up.

She was talking to: Jerron. Sheesh.

She was trying to hide her 'pimplified' nose. :D

Same, haha.

Uh, gone case. Yes, constipated faces.
A lil better I guess.

Kay bye. [: House Bunny rocked.
Sometimes I think, why do I even care?

Hi.

Shit, now you hate me. But really I think you don't understand. I saw you trying to get into it. Really I did, and thanks for trying. But it seems even more awkward when you change. Cos I'm not used to it. It feels weird. So I'm confused, and we've been trying to let you in, cos I know you feel alienated. But how are we to do that when you're.. um, not coming along or stuff like that. I really try to 'let you in', but it's hard. That day, when you became so L & H & singing, wow. Big change, most of our Fs noticed. Even they could'nt really accept that. But they knew you were really really trying. Before that, I alr noticed. I noticed I kinda left you out on stuff I do with other Fs. I dont know why actually. I can't find anything to talk about freely between me and you. When we're alone, it's more awkward. Cos there's loooong silence. So what am I to do? Let you change? It'll be worse. Let you be who you are? You'll be left out. And you say nobody understands? Oh, we all get your message. Loud and clear. Just gotta sort things out. Cos I'm confused of what to do too.

Bye [:

I PASSED MALAY I PASSED MALAY I PASSED MALAY I PASSED MALAY!
Most importantly, I proved him wrong. He even said it. :D

I feel kinda proud of myself. Okay not kinda, very!
He really did say I proved him wrong.
And if you are loyal readers, haha, you'd know that in the midst of his teaching he gave lots and lots and lots of nasty comments. And one that really hurt me quite abit. But I took it as a wall I guess. One that I had to break through. (Cheycheychey.) Oh you wanna know wht he said that ticked me? He said:
"You're weak. You're defenceless against sweet words, against kind acts. Then you're easily influenced and you wander off."
I wanted to prove him wrong sooooooo much. And I did. Guess what, he expected me to fail. But I dint so ha. :D Tho I think I could have done slightly better. Second is awesome.
Okay, I guess enough bout malay. Othr subjects coming through!

English, A2 for SA2. B3 overall.
Composition: 26/30. (Highest yeahyeah! ^^)
Compre: 11/25. (Heh.)
Situational: 24/30.
Oral: Idk, forgot. I think 24/28? Dunno.

Literature, uh B3 overall?
History, B3 for SA2.
D&T, A2 for SA2, goddamit C5 overall. -.-
Oh, passed malay. But C5. :D

Bye! [:

I feel like telling someone.
But I don't want to at the same time.
Why? Trust issues. Bloody trust issues.
And also the feeling of future regret.
You know, you tell someone then she/he can't kp their mouths shut for long.
Stupid. I don't know if I've done that before. Hmm.
Really does'nt matter.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Like this also become stress.
~~I wish I could cut that part of my brain that keeps reminding me of him.~~

What the hell is wrong with me? Gosh. Can't I ever face the fact that he will never feel the same way about me? I mean, kinda obvious isn't it. He's c____. Ahhh fag! One more thing to feel guilty about. Two? Get a grip Aquila. As if you have nothing better to do. But I can't help it can I. I can't control my effing feelings. I've been forcing myself not to think of you. But it's hard cause I have to control myself every single day. I wish someone can understand. I don't really know why I like him even. It's weird. Very. And at school, I don't know why I have to be near him. It's so impossible to walk away even if I want myself to. Damn damn damn damn damn!

But what if it's hard to walk away because I don't want to? Because I do wan't to be somewhat 'with' him? Fuck. I wish he knew. Because then he'd make my life easier. Because then and there he'd tell me to buzz off. Tell me to get a life. Tell me he'd never like me back. Then I'd hate him won't I. So of course I'd stop liking him. I wish he knew. But I don't want him to. Because our status now as friends, it's good enough. If he knew, it'd be all awkward. Very awkward. So what the fuck am I to do.

I'll tell someone who this guy is as soon as I get over my trust issues. Hopefully.
And Nut, if you ever read this, I was thinking of number 2 all this while.

Whoa. Today was gerek and I have alot of stories to tell. :D

Firstly, woke up earlier than I wanted to thanks to somebody ehem. Hahah.

*Phone rings, Breakeven plays. But at wrong time cos I'm enjoying my sleep. Picks up with irritated and groggy voice.*
Me: Hello?
CM: Hello you got recieve the msg not?
Me: Never read lah.
CM: Oh okay anw... (line breaks for awhile)
Me: Tsk, hello? What?
CM: Hello hello? Aquila? You thr?
Me: Yah what you want.
CM: Hello hello? Cannot her you leh.
Me: Tsk, what lah!
CM: Oh today cca start 3 right? The more I think of it the more its like, not 3 lor. At 3 right?
Me: Ah yalah yalah whatever.
CM: Kaykay sorry2. Bye. (laughs)
*Puts down phone.
Me: Funny meh.
*Sleeps again.

Then I realise that I was being so rude to CM. I'm very cranky everytime I wake up so yea. She woke me up and I was pissed. I dint care who tho. Haha. I texted her apologising a million times. Hahah. She said it was her fault cos she woke me up blabla.

Planned to meet her @ 2.30 she kiasu come 1.30. Then she asked me get there faster. Kns right. But nevermind, Imma kind person and I came early for her. Hmmph!

Oooh, second story. :D
My effing phone is so ugly now! Argh. I dropped it on a rough like crap pavement and now its scratched like mad! Another dialogue coming up.

*Drops phone and it slides painfully across the pavement.
Me: Shit! Ahhhh crap! Fuckfuckfcuk. (and othe vulgarities)
CM: Ohmygod! How?
Me: Whtever lah, wht can I do now.
*Continues walking in awkward silence. I look at my phone and I feel like crying.
Me: Eh Chia Min, I very angry now eh. I feel like running. Want?
CM: You siao ah? Okay lor. (Ironic)

Hah, I lost my anger by running. Hmmm, that was a first.

Kay, CCA was alot of fun. :D Except for the jogging part. Thisclosetodying. Yeah, that close.
And I swear I have never sweat like I did just now. Fuyooo man. ^^

After that, hahahahhahahahaha. Very funny and scary at the same time. Scary mostly.
Got this group of paikias find fault with Haidhar lah. Then he said sooo many wrong things that would definitely tick them off.

The Wrong List:
One guy sat next to Amy.
Haidhar: Eh, he sitting next to you eh.
One of th paikias: My friend want to sit there cannot meh.
Then they buay song ah. Stupid.

One guy said somth about Haidhar's mom.
Haidhar: I got say anything about your mother ah? What's your problem now insult my mother?
Baddddddddd.

One guy says somth about Haidhar's hairstyle looking like dno what football ah.
Haidhar: You all got no life or what find fault with people?
He was actually brave enough to say that!

This guy looks/stares at Haidhar.
Haidar stares back and says: What?!
Lol, act tough ah. Haidhar ended up calling his mother you know.
I'd just ignore those freaks.

So me and CM were kind enough to follow him down the bus in case anything happened to Haidhar. You know, they'd follow him and beat him up and he'd be the only person like, dying..
kay touchwood! Benny, Zhao Cheng and Fitri followed too.
In the end nothing happened. -.- And I had to walk soooooo far just to get to the bus stop. Thanks ah. Haha.

Kay that's all I guess. Bye! [:

Jalan raye was awesomeness, again. :D
*I say again because we went jalan raye previously, more details click Amy's blog.

Yeah, details.
Met amy @ her block first then Yusoff and Afifah. Afifah had anxiety disorder when she totally freaked in satisfaction when we all wore black as planned. She said we looked cool walking togethr dressed in black. Haha. Then Sufi and this black guy came. Okay enough being evil for the day 'the black guy' I'm talking bout is Fitri. Heh no offence. Waited for princess T-rex/Ustazah to come. Muahaha. First house was okay.

Next was Nut's house! (3rd home in my heart, lol.)
I was very determined to get her out of that place but sadly her mom was as determined not to let her go. Dang. So yea she dint. Grrrrr. Anyway, she does'nt blame me. Who else, I mean her choices: blame me or her mom. Duh, kinda obvious who she'd choose dont ya think.

Then, Cikgu Norliza's. Right?

*RingRingRingRingRing*
Me: Hello?
Hadi: Hello Aquila eh?
-Amy snatches the phone from me-
Amy: Hello. Ni amy.
Hadi: Korang kat mane?
Amy: Kat road. -laughs- Dah otw to Cikgu Norliza's house ah.
Hadi: Kite pon otw.
-I snatch the phone back-
Me: Hello.
Hadi: Amy eh?
Me: Tak, Aquila.
Hadi: Oh. Korg kat ane?
Me: Dalam bus on th way.
Hadi: On the way eh, kay cepat siket tau. Cikgu dah meletup.
Me: Meletup? -laughs like mad- Ah kk. Bye.

Hahah, he was trying to say Cikgu Norliza bingit ready we come so late.
Then the joke could'nt stop among us about cikgu bursting. Black guy lah.
Actually me too. ^^

Kkay, then a few more houses.
Kecoh + gile + ketawe rabak + running + falling + screaming/shouting + joking = today.
Yeah, lazy to elaborate.
Bye [:

Today's post will be all about lyrics that I can very relate to. [:
Since my very first.
Enjoy.

"What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you.
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK.
I'm falling to pieces, I'm falling to pieces. ...
Cos he moved on while I'm still grieving.
And when a heart breaks no it dont break even."
-Breakeven by The Script.

"I may not have the softest touch, I may not say the words as such.
And though I may not look like much,
I'm yours.
And though my edges may be rough, And never feel I'm quite enough.
It may not seem like very much,
But I'm yours."
-I'm Yours by The Script.

"Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?
Are you holding back, like the way I do?
Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away.
But I know this crush aint going away.
Has it ever crossed your mind, when we're hangin, spending time boy.
Are we just friends?
Is there more, is there more.."
-Crush by David Archuleta.

"I tried to read between the lines,
I tried to look in your eyes.
I want a simple explanation, for what I'm feeling inside.
I gotta find a way out, maybe there's a way out."
-Thunder by Boys Like Girls.

"Goodbye to you,
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew.
You were the one I love,
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.."
-Goodbye To You by Michelle Branch.

"Don't look at me that way, I see it in your eyes.
Don't worry about me I've been, fine.
I'm not gonna lie, I've been a mess.
Since you've left."
-Get Back by Demi Lovato.

Kay thrs more but obviously lazy to find. Heh.
Bye [:

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing.
You're best days were some of my worst.
& when a heart breaks, no it don't break even.

Y'ello. :D
Interhouse! My team was fourth. Ahahahah. Pathetic. But nevermind, hey we played against naturally-perfect-in-sport people. You can't blame me. Still it was effing fun! (:
School gave us a one hour recess today. Heck it was useless. -.- Cos they delayed the games all the way till there was only 30 minutes of recess left. Like always. But I dont reall care. I still had free time afterwards. Nyahah.

Chionged art during 'free period'. My flipbook sucks. :D
Hand in for the sake of getting those few marks that could maybe help. Who knows. Eheh.
Peanut was unusually nice. Put in so much effort, dont ask why. Suddenly had the urge to at least do one good piece in art. ^^ So I did.
Observation drawing? It's so cool, you can't observe what I drew at all. Cos I dint. (Lame joke)
No time + lazy do and rather slack = empty piece of paper. :D Awesome ey.
Moooving on.

SRR. Again!
Yeap, we got to use the SRR for two straight days. Coolness.
Played pool again. Oh and guess what, our class organised a farewell party for Mr Chow.
Result: Mr Chow dint even turn up. -.-
And the balloons? They all popped. Party poopers. (Lame joke 2)
So yeah, play, scream, leave place.

Nut's house.
Song :D Nice can. Haha.

Kay bye. [:

Crush. Real. Infatuation! Love?

Whoever thought this would come again.

Alamak, Amy angry seh someone never update her blog.
Updating lah updating lah.
Sorry. Happy? Lol.

Kkkkkkkkkkkkk. Where did I stop? Yes, very long ago. Unfortunately I have minor STM so I can't tell you every single detail from where I stopped. Heh. My bad.

Hmmm, I can only remember the last day of EOYs. Ahhhh it felt like I won the whole world. Pfft. The last paper was D&T and I actually dint study a single word the previous day. Act pro ahh Aquila. Obviously I was kanchiong on the day of the paper. So stressed I worried Mabu too. Nyahaha. (: The paper was okay I guess. After that 'ate' with Nut, Amy and her parents. Lol. Lazy to elaborate why I put 'ate' like that.

Kay, next day. Saturday right? Yeah Sat was funnnnnnn. :D
I dint get to see Amy even tho we were doing the same thing. Ahh different shift heck.
Aft madr went to school to demonstrate rocklimbing (!!!!!!!!!). Yayayayayayayay. Long time never climb, so yeah I was a lil rusty. Climbed cos school had open house. Yeap. Had to wear the goddamn helmet. Very unglamorous. Haha. Then ate late lunch with CM @ Macs. Ahahaha it was damn funny. Played Crazy Taxi on CM's PSP. Exciting bdh! Made soo much noise (cos we're both kecoh. Heh) when we were in there. Kept competing with each other. :D

Oh, btw the Wasabe Fillet-O-Fish thing, bleaggghhhh.
The shaker fries are okay. I just don't like the burger. Ehem.
I made a face on the first bite and CM dint even want to try it.
See? Stupid faces influence people. Haha.

Today. *Yawn.
Went out with sister to AMK Hub, blablabla.
Yeah, interesting. Wow.

One more thing, this is lame and might be dumb but I wanna post it. My sister and me were fooling around at home when I started wearing all these bangles on one hand. Of course, I looked effing weird. So:

Me: Ooooh, look. -wears bangles-
Sis: -Gives me that 'you're weird' face- What are you doing in my house?

If you get, you get it. One more.

Me: Walao, you're so rude.
Sis: You're rude-er lah!
Me: -Gives her a dumb look- No, I'm Aquila.

Kay bye. [:

Tag replies:
SARAH & JingYi: Thanks. :D
deb: Sflr! But I love you too, hee.
Amieliaaaa: Kaykaykaykat fine..
maisarah: I dunno your link! Or Sofia's. Haha.
Sorry for late reply everyone.