Wasted moments

I think I'm done being emo.
Everybody's moody and I hate it.
So I shudnt be like everybody.
And I've tried but it seems to be some bad habit I cant get rid of.
Classic.

I'm supposed to be at a competition right now.
But that's right, I'm sick.
39.5 degrees Celsius, a heck of a fever.
Yesterday my head hurt so badly I could see veins throbbing on my forehead.
I couldnt sleep too, and woke up @ 3am.
It was really uncomfortable.

My mum tells me that I've not been taking care of myself well.
I dont drink enough water and I exert my body way over it's limit.
I dont eat dinner too.
She's probably right, and so my body's taking revenge on me. Pain.

Eh, I'm sorry I dint do it well enough for you lah.
Have you ever heard of beginners? Oh that's right, you probably havnt.
Cuz you were born with natural talent.
You could do it way better than me when you were 5.
Right?
I'd understand if you corrected me. But noo, you had to make fun of my lousiness.
Well in the first place I dint intend to do it.
I did it for the sake of you being satisfied. Guess I'm wrong.
Dont mean to brag, but if I dint volunteer.. who would have? Think idiot.
Learning a new skill is as hard as trying to lose weight.
So let's see you get rid of that gigantic bulge under your shirt in a day.
When you do, come tell me.
If you dont, you can take my place. Cuz you'll be able to cover the fats.
If you get what I mean.
You should, since you're so prfect.

Peace.

Someone is dreaming,
Someone is hoping just that this will be the day.
That this will be the day that you take your eyes off the ground.
Out of the blue, you see that someone is looking right back at you.

God, tomorrow is the last day of school.
One whole month of emptiness?
Tragic.

Limelight yesterday night was awesome. The school band is epic! =)

I'm filled with so much regret.
I've been screwing things up lately. So many things.
And I have come to this state where I think too much. Become too paranoid.
It's annoying everyone, even myself. Especially myself.

Worse, people think I've got magic. Like I can work miracles.
I'm sorry but I cant make everyone happy at once.
I'm really bad at multi-tasking. Especially when the tasks I'm expected to handle are two totally different things. Really different.
I'd really love it if at least one of my problems subsided.
But, the world doesnt revolve around just me. Fat hope.

We had music today. And like every other minute, I felt emo.
Had to write something for fathers' day. So I did.

I can’t put my appreciation for you into words. But since it’s the only way to express it, then I should try my best. I may not be able to feel your love now as often as before because we’re so far apart; still I know you love me. I know you love me because of the things you’ve done for the family, for the things you’ve done to make me happy. And the biggest deed you’ve done for me is sacrifice. You sacrificed leaving the family to work overseas. You did it just so the family would have enough income to live. You did it because you’re dad. You did it because you love me, because you love us. Dad, you’re the man. And I’d really mean it if I gave you a mug saying World’s Coolest Dad.
I love you. =)

I just felt like putting this msn conversation:

... says:
its nt ur fault alrite?
... says:
pls dun tink abt it anymore
... says:
i wld get over it v.soon
I-KILL-YA. says:
i just know i did somth wrong.
I-KILL-YA. says:
i know i did.
... says:
i dunno okay
... says:
i dunno its u or mie
... says:
i dunno wad im tinkin
... says:
i dun wish to tink so much'
I-KILL-YA. says:
its me, really. why would i ever feel guilty if it wasnt me.
... says:
cause u r tinking too much
I-KILL-YA. says:
i guess.
... says:
i tel u i m reali sry i dunno if its u or mie i tink n tink i jus cant noe wad i m tinkin
I-KILL-YA. says:
relax.
... says:
if u wld promise mie nt to tink too much i wld relax
I-KILL-YA. says:
i promise.
I-KILL-YA. says:
lk, im nt even thnking right now.
I-KILL-YA. says:
im staring at screen, stoning.
I-KILL-YA. says:
i dont even knw who you are?
I-KILL-YA. says:
are you okay? please be. =)
... says:
yupp
... says:
okay
I-KILL-YA. says:
sure?
... says:
ya ya
I-KILL-YA. says:
im sorry.
... says:
dun say sry
... says:
its nt u who did wrong
... says:
i m sorry
I-KILL-YA. says:
but the thing is, im expectd to multi task now?
... says:
bt it has nth to do wif tt
... says:
nt much
... says:
no
... says:
dun tink so much kay
... says:
if u cant do it i dun wanna force u to do it
... says:
i dun wan u to feel troubled

Peace.
I have the courage now, it's up to you.

Nothing happened today.
So today I feel nothing.

I only say it cuz I mean it.
I only mean it cuz it's true.
Dude, what about you?

Peace.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6a1lfnjqC4I&feature=related

Terrified written by Kara DioGuardi and Jason Reeves.
Would have put the video, but my blog song is unstoppable.
So yeah.
Watch it, seriously.

I love Jennifer Love Hewitt's hair. )=

Tsk, what's wrong with me.

I'm not happy when I should be.
I'm scared when I shudnt be.
I'm not listening to people giving advice.
I think of the negative.
I cant sleep peacefully.
I sit up for hours thnking of the consequences.
I want it to happen.
I dont want it to happen.
It doesnt occur to me that it might not happen at all.
I wonder if he's afraid too.

I imagine the scene in my head over and over.
I imagine saying no.
I imagine what he'd do if I said no.
I imagine saying yes.
I imagine what he'd do if I said yes.
I imagine regretting in the future.
I imagine him regretting.
I imagine long distance when I leave.
I say to myself: 'Long distance relationships never work.'
I imagine so many things.

I think of writing a book when everything happens.
I think of writing a book when nothing happens.
I realise I'm being melodramatic.
Over emotional bitcho.

Tsk, what's wrong with me.

Peace.

Why is my heart pounding so hard.
Why do I get all butterflyish when I hear stuff like this.
Why did I say 'I dont know'.
Why does he ask so many questions.
Why did I answer untruthfully.
Why does it happen this way.

TODAY SUCKS PLZ.

Firstly, I got the same bad rumour.
Secondly, I totally diao-ed him and then felt guilty.
Thirdly, my maths paper sucked. Really sucked.
Fourth, ________.

God. How did I not cry again?
At least dikir wasnt that bad.

If you watched American Idol finals today, you would have realised that Scott MacIntyre is an amazing person. He's got such a brave soul. Being able to dance on stage, remember his cues and all despite his disability? Brilliant! =)

Oh and yeah, Kris won. AHHHHHHH! Haha.

I really need to get my brain sorted out.
Apakah igau ilusi atau realiti?

Peace.

Some results today.

English- A2
Literature- B4
Physics- B4
Malay- B3
Biology- A1
History- B4

Haha, yay no Cs so far.
But, maths is tomorrow. So I need to brace myself.
I'm glad I passed physics. =)
Chemistry, dont fail on me now.
I need this.

Peace.
Could it be real the thing?
Cuz, I'm getting crazy over this.
And my eyes, all the time they get it their way.
I'm helpless, distracted?
Woah!

Yes, that's all.
I'm just happy. =)
But today sucked so much.

I'm glad I could help Mabu feel better somehow!
Although it's only cuz I have alot of lame things to say.
That isnt really a good thing. But oh well.

Somehow, I dont think I'm the lamest person I know. (Ehem)
Haha.

No, you really dont have to make a big fxcking fuss over that.
You're annoying me so much.
I know exactly how you feel.
Still, no need for the whole world to know.
I dont think anyone would care even.
I know it's what I did too.
But look, I dint announce it everywhere.
I can understand if it's like, the main reason why you live right now.
Worse still, the most stuck up sentence you ever said is stuck in my head.
Great.

Mabellyn Tang!
I'm really really really really worried.
Like really.
I want you to tell me everything on your mind on Monday okay?
If you wont, I will make you.

I dont care if your not ready or whatever.
Cuz I want to help you, like you've helped me.
But I dont wanna force you open either.
Cuz then that'll hurt you. Gosh.

At least just tell me a little bit about it during school.
I really wanna know.
And I really wanna get the honour of trying to cheer you up.

Nobody wants you to kill yourself.
Nobody thinks you dont deserve to live.
Everybody loves you.

Peace.

Oh gosh, today was almost perfect.
If only I did the one thing I promised to.

I go slow, I fall deep.
Maybe I am that crazy.

Sculpture Park day.

Plus:

Wow, Amy's a two-timer! Haha.

(That's CM)

Peace.

What. What. What? What! WHAAAAAAATT?!!?!?!
Danny Gokey's gone home? Yeah real funny American Idol.
I love Kris but I dint expect him to be in the top two. Really.
When they said his name, I literally screamed.
1) Cuz Kris is safe!
2) Cuz I knew instantly Danny was going home. ):

I wish all three of them could just win.

I dont feel like blogging anymore. Lol.
Hopefully will be back to post picz of today.

Anton Yelchin is cute. =D

Peace.

I've been doing it my way, your way..
It doesnt work.

Hello. ):

Listening Compre was surprisingly tricky.
But heck, I only want to talk about what's making me cry.

I dint know me leaving really meant something to people.
And I really hoped none of you would continue commenting about it cuz then I'd get all emotional hence the emotional post.
I guess I need to list down reasons why I cant leave.

1) I dont want to.
2) My friends dont want me to.
3) I want to finish my studies in Singapore.
4) I dont want to get tangled up in the 'in case we come back to Singapore you'll have to step down a grade and so we're very sorry' situation.
5) I know the whole family will be there, but I really dont think I'd be smiling much more.
6) You promised I'd only have to go there if I failed/did badly for my exams.
7) I studied for the papers so I deserve to pass them and actually stay.
8) I love it here. Really.
9) I think one or two of my friends would actually face depression if I leave. Kidding.
10) I'm attached to too many things here that are unfortunately too big to be brought there.
11) You dont like forcing me into doing anything, right?
12) I'd become a very, very, very anti-social person.

It might be 12 totally unreasonable reasons for any of you, but it all matters to me.
(Love)(Me+Mabu+Amy+Cm+ALOT OF PEOPLE)=INFINITY(H)
I'm not sure what the (H) means.. but I'll stick to what I'm thinking. Haha!
Dont make me cry please.

To Nut, Sarah(L), ELAINE x] and Guest(whoever you are) : I hope I'm not.

Peace.

The maths paper wasnt so rough on me today.
That's a true miracle.
I need to thank God and myself.
Mostly God.

The paper started at 8, and the minutes that passed by waiting for 8 to come was hell.
Seriously, I was shaking.
Almost wanted to back out from taking the paper.
Cuz I know I put in effort so I could pass this.
And I wanted so badly for it to pay off in the long run.

Guess what, even if I score really well.. I'm still leaving.

I was pretty okay with how the paper went.
Especially after realising I could do most of them.
But I wont get over confident. After all, I'm still very scared of being careless.
Dint have time to check thru my paper.
Ahhhhhh I'll stop thinking about it.

I made a wishlist, courtesy of Mabellyn.
It's called Aquila's wishful thinking.
The first thing on it was: Not leave.
Then: For my phone to move a little by itself.
Hahaha which means that someone texted me.

Ok, I need to go study for Listening Compre tmr.
Haha woah lame!

Peace.

MATHS IS

TOMORROW.

I WILL

NOT

FLUNK THIS.

I REALLY
DONT
WANT TO.

PLEASE?

I know it seems like I havnt really been studying.
But I honestly have. =D
And right now I'm very very very worried about the maths paper tomorrow.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Peace.

Well happy mothers' day.
I bought my mum a mug that said 'World's Coolest Mum!' and my dad told me I was being way ironic. Haha evil please.

Anyway went studying with Mabu and CM today. =D
Bishan Library has been my third home ever since MYEs started.
Maths is so complicating! Grr. I really dont wanna fail this paper. Please.
The study date was fun, of course.
Had a heart to heart talk with Mabu @ Coffee Bean. We spent a lot of time telling our problems to each other. And yes, Mabu gave me a very loud pep talk. But it was really effective.
Thk you Mabu. (:

I've finally decided to let out everything.

Would you please just come home? It's really frustrating that at a day that means a lot to her, today, you're not home yet. Not even a dumb telephone call from you. Are you stupid? Remember when you did this before, did it really change things around the house? Did it change the way she treated you? Did you get what you want? Certainly not. Wanna know why? Cuz there's nothing that should be changed. It's truly your fault. Take it as the truth, not as another thing that again, is your mistake.

You cant see it, I bet. Wont you just do something that'll gain her trust? Everything's being done behind her back, obviously little things would get her paranoid. Please, knock some sense into yourself. You can use the computer screen to do that, if wherever you are right now has a computer somewhere. You always say she's treating you like you're worth nothing, but honestly have you treated her like she's worth something?

I think what you're doing right now is really, really foolish. Yes, dad thinks so too. I dont know where you are, and this feeling sucks. You dont have to do it for me, not for her either. Just do it to show you can think straight. No offence. And dont gimme that 'you dont understand' speech. Cuz I know I dont but I'm trying to. Everyone's trying to. You just wont let them. Give it a chance will you.

I know I know, I'm 5 years younger than you. What gives me the right to give you advice.. What gives me the right to tell you off.. I havnt gone thru what you have.. I will never.. But the thing is you're making yourself seem less wise than me. Cuz you're doing this. I fxking miss you bodoh.

You're like Mas Selamat 2. So please, just come home.

Peace.

Since the date is already up there, I need to think a bit more whenever I blog.
Okay bottom line, I changed something significant. Wowwww.
You're really stupid if you can't see it.
If you're blind, I'm sorry it isnt your fault. (You wont even be able to see this) Zzz.

Somehow I feel forced by Mabellyn's words to change my blog skin. Haha.
And I felt strangely attached to my previous one.
I dunno why I changed it anyway.

The time is still screwed.

Peace.

Today is one hell of a boring day. Really.

First of all, I woke up at 4.30 am. The thunder outside was so loud.
And plus the lightning, it was really a scary scene if you look out the window.
I was freaked out cuz when you're alone in a room at that hour, your mind starts imagining a lot of stuff. So I turned on my mp3 and tried to sleep.
I cudnt so I stayed up and strummed the guitar. Haaaahhh, at 5 am.

I bet my mum was bored too so we decided to get our butts out of the house.
All we did was eat at Fork & Spoon. Zzz.
I went home and there was nothing to do. Wasnt in the mood to study maths either. =D
Hopefully I get that done tomorrow.

Oh shitz, Mothers' Day is like..tomorrow!
Should I just make some lame card or get her something?
I pick getting her something. Yeah.
But what.

Peace.

Sorry for the 24 hour delay.
Science is over. =D
I think I'm gonna flunk the paper with swimming colours. Hahaha. -.-
(it's the opposite of flying you fools)

Sorry for the 'a couple of hours' delay.
Literature is over. =D
The paper was oookay.
I think I stayed up and read the book for almost nothing.
Again, I love exams. Very much. Yes.

YAY.
The next most important paper is maths. ):
I have three days to revise everything.
And that will probably be done with Mabellyn.

Did I mention, Mabellyn is extremely insane.
Like me. =D

Peace.

I know History is already history, but History sucked. And this means I'm history.
(It implies that I'm dead)
Gosh!

Considering how long Singapore's history is, the duration of it's paper should be long too.
Yes I know there's not much of a link between them, but I'm just so pissed that I dint get to check thru my paper. I dint even finish properly. Damn.
If I fail this paper it'll go into my history, and my history is important too. It's important cuz I wanna study History next year. And I thought I could pass every single paper I did.
I did my part in covering all the topics tested alright. I guess I just write too slow. Pssh.

English paper 2 was lovely. I dont wanna sound too proud, but at least it's one paper I have confidence in. Summary was easy, which means it really was not. You dont have to know why.

Anyway, it's Science tomorrow. So far I've only covered atoms and molecules, chemical reactions and balancing equations. Which is only part of chemistry. Which is only part of tomorrow's paper. At this rate I'll probably be sleeping late again, and then get shaked so vigorously in the morning so I wake up in time. Ahh it works for me.

Did I mention I have 13 chapters left to cover?
I'm saving Biology for last cuz even tho it's only 2 chapters, it's really complicated to me.
And I dont wanna sleep cuz I'm afraid I'll forget everything in the morning.
Which I always do. ):

I still have to literally re-read Animal Farm and study two poems for Friday.
So I hope I'll be able to really concentrate during the study session @ Hg tmr.
Gee, I really love exams. =D

Peace.

Malay's over. Yeessssssaaahhh.
Although, I think I dint do too well for Paper 1. ):
Paper 2 was alright.

I finished reading Chapter 7. Only.
I have 25 more pages to read thru, like 10 sheets of paper, and a few tests to revise for History tomorrow.
Im sucha last minute bitch please.
At least now I know nothing will distract me.
Which means studying with the computer turned off.
Sacrifice.

Damn I miss my juniors. ):
Peace.