Wasted moments

What the hell is wrong with me? Gosh. Can't I ever face the fact that he will never feel the same way about me? I mean, kinda obvious isn't it. He's c____. Ahhh fag! One more thing to feel guilty about. Two? Get a grip Aquila. As if you have nothing better to do. But I can't help it can I. I can't control my effing feelings. I've been forcing myself not to think of you. But it's hard cause I have to control myself every single day. I wish someone can understand. I don't really know why I like him even. It's weird. Very. And at school, I don't know why I have to be near him. It's so impossible to walk away even if I want myself to. Damn damn damn damn damn!

But what if it's hard to walk away because I don't want to? Because I do wan't to be somewhat 'with' him? Fuck. I wish he knew. Because then he'd make my life easier. Because then and there he'd tell me to buzz off. Tell me to get a life. Tell me he'd never like me back. Then I'd hate him won't I. So of course I'd stop liking him. I wish he knew. But I don't want him to. Because our status now as friends, it's good enough. If he knew, it'd be all awkward. Very awkward. So what the fuck am I to do.

I'll tell someone who this guy is as soon as I get over my trust issues. Hopefully.
And Nut, if you ever read this, I was thinking of number 2 all this while.